Music as a hobby 3

I know someone that eat right, lives in the countryside, has enough money and resources to sustain herself and is athletic. She can’t play no more. Everything in her body hurts. Her joints have locked. I listened to her story. It can be summed up in one word: why?

She got out of a show she loved, a show she thought she was a fixture of, a pillar. She’s not in it anymore. And she doesn’t understand why. And that question is eating her life: Why?

That is pure torture. Unbearable pain.

So, she can’t practice. Sometimes she can barely walk. She’s young too.

But, listening to her story, I felt for her. My heart went to her. She went through something awful. And she started walking in her head. Because she didn’t understand what had happened. And the parts she understood were hurting her.

I understood what she was talking about. It is part of my job to be sensitive and helpful (as much as I can) when people bare their soul. I wanted to tell her:

“Sometimes there are no explanations. Life doesn’t owe you anything. You get pain, well, you get pain. And you don’t know why. You don’t have to look for an answer. It’s like a novel, some things do not get resolved, some things do not get closure.”

I didn’t say anything. I didn’t have the time. I had to leave France within the week. And I am not sure there was a one talk solution in her case. I just listened. I couldn’t do much more.

What could I have done? A lot. She’s not supposed to die in pain? There are some solutions. Even if you don’t have the resources around you. That’s all right, you don’t need any resources to start the journey, what you need is a dream, a project, a plan. What? Yes, I did say: dream. Dream of another situation, another group of people, another place if you want, another possibility. Create that in your mind. The pain will still be there. It doesn’t give up that easily. But you will fill the vacuum that was the show you used to do. You will detach yourself from the situation you just left.

After the dream, then act. Don’t over-analyze: act. Yes, even if your ego is shattered, even if your self confidence is ruined. Act. Because you will think about all of that later. Right now you need to be audacious just to stay alive. Not courageous, I said audacious. So, dare to dream the good, the great, even if it doesn’t feel so good to do it. Don’t dwell on the stuff that brought you down. The fact is: nothing brought you down. Meaning YOU didn’t bring yourself down. The situation has nothing, or very little, to do with your musicianship, or with your life. So, no need to think about that. You can stay a musician, you can preserve that. Oh, nourish that part, that wonderful part, the part that has helped you accomplish incredible feats, nourish that part, nurture it, talk to it, do something about it. And act. Act. Solving depression can be just one word: Move. Does it solve everything? No. But it’ll help.

I care for the pain of my friend, I think about her often. Her story shook me. But, I can’t help her no more. She’s gone now.